can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
