Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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