You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
