Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
