well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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