People in love make me want to vomit
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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