did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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