So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
