Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
