Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
