My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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