I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
