Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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