After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just threw up on my dentist
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
