after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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