someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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