Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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