Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
