I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
