well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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