i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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