i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
