Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
