Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
