He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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