the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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