her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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