i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
