New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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