I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
