We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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