Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
