Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
