i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
