dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
