then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
