I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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