Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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