Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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