You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
