I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
