he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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