i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
