What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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