I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
