I'm going to jail i love you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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