Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She even gives head with a lisp.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
