Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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