forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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