sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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