Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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