I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
