Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
