Can i not drive my cunt home
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
