WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How naked do you want me to be?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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