just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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