the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
