My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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