i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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