He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
