ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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