brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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