yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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